If God had a master plan.
I dont want to call this feeling love. Cause it doesnt feel like love. because u feel love when you are receiving it. without both side' s agreement its just pain.

They say that it is horrible when u are next to someone and realize that they are far far away. Well it is. Him an his mind is just too complex. or he just wants it too be like that.

When he is not around, I think of him.

Its obsession. a wierd one. Probably because i cant imagine beeing on my own. Its been nearly three months and all ive done is tangle my life in his. Made a bubble for myself that only includes us.

Not because I love. But because i need to care for someone and have someone carring for me in return.

I always chose the wrong one. Although, im making improvements. He is much better than my first obsession.

And then there is his girlfriend, which i can not call his ex.

He made an ideal woman, girl, girlfriend, wife out of her and can not let go.

I dont want to have the need to live up to that expectation. Because im different. Because I am me and he has to like me for who I am. And im never letting go of this statement. And i would like to say this to him.

Sometimes i feel that we need to go on a brake, but then i get scared. There is not enough time to spear. what if he never comes back? And if i lose him, ill have to be alone. and i cant do that.

I just want him to realize that he needs me, but he is too proud, independant, self-centered..... Will he ever understand what i want?
Or will i always go back to him, no matter what, putting my own pride aside?