Sometimes it really doesn't hurt to express your thoughts to someone you once really liked and someone
that you really cared about. MAybe it's time to analyze and question what went wrong.
i complecate my life and love situations too much.
in actual fact everything is much simpler that i thought it was.
useful conversations lead to simple conclusions
and most possitive emotions.

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Stop Sobbing!!!! For Godness sakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Get out!
I'm sick.

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topic open for comments

This weekend i did something i never thought i would do.
I got off with a guy who has ( OR HAD) a girlfriend.
Her brother saw us.
I' ve got to admitt we were all pretty hammered out of our minds.
This wasn't the first time he cheated on his girlfriend but when i admitted to the fact that
i felt bad about this whole thing he told me that it doesn't matter and that it wasn't my fault.
To be honest i don't really care about him but i feel really bad for his girlfriend who is too stupid to brake up with him.
The best thing about this whole situation is that i had a lovebyte on my neck for like 4 days now and the
guy who i am currently trying to get over saw it and was very jelous...( i think)
Topic open to discussion.Please feel free to comment.

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we will meet up there someday....

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Will someone please tell me why i have 100 rub on my Diary.ru account and what the hell it is for?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

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it's sunday 7.23 am
i have to climb a stupid peak today. on my skis.
fuck sleeping! lets go skiing!!!!!!!!!!!

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Help me write a 1200 word essay. for monday. please.

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Kaetana's present took it's deserved place on my wall and made the room seem cosy and comfortable.
I guess i'm enjoying this time of beeing away from home in a place where control and rules are the words that don't really exisist as long as you have been here long enough and you know what you are doing.
My so called ex decided that he is not going to remember our huge argument that happened just before we left and bough me vodka orange juice today as a sign of our peace. i've excepted as a sigh of " i don't really give a dam" and got on with my life.
Pretending that something never happened is easier in a way.
I don't wanna take any of his crap any more and listen to the unmeaningful words all over again.

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going


going


GONE.

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Ну я типа встретилась с ним.
Наверно он мой тип парня.
Это такое же наверно, как, наверно, он моя первая, неосознанная до конца любовь.
Нахлынули воспоминания, захлестнула волной ностальгия...
Я поняла одну простую вещь.
наверно, мне так кажется, что я его не зацепила, не произвела какое-то ТАКОЕ впечатление.
Хотя он не переставал усыпать меня комплементами. Просто он хорошо воспитан.
А чего я вообще ожидала?
принца на белом коне? Нет, в эту сказку я давно уже не верю, хотя он очень подходит на эту роль.
Hm)))) Prince charming. Длинные светлые волосы, голубые глаза....
да.Я живу в своей мечте.

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shit! my mom just saw a picture of me smoking!
shit shit shit!
she didn't say anything though
i don't know why!

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Maybe i shouldn't sleep for 12 hours aday?

So anyway.
im back home.
Enjoying the peaceful and quite lifestyle that my family and i have.
Not counting the couple of hours i spent in the hospital and in the car, due to the fact that my sister decided to fall on her face and get stiches for THE HAPPY NEW YEAR, and an hour in a shop trying to find suitable footwear for this kind of weather and conditions that are present in Moscow - Cold, Wet, dirty and discusting - i haven't been outside for 3 days now.

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the end

the next thing i know is we are kissing on the bridge. i have to go one way, he - the ooposite.
i say goodnight and a friend of mine walks me to my house.
i recieve a txt message saying: don't think about what i said, think about what im going to say tomorrow. i will wake up earlier to come to yr basketball tournament to see you play.
The next morning we go to have lunch together after my game. there are other people with us so we can not talk proparly. it's time to go back. we are on the bridg. everyone is saying bey to each other. "see you at dinner!" i say and turn away before he can kiss me. he is disappointed. i can see it in his eyes.
i walk away.
again.
After dinner he says that we have to talk. i don't object.
he says: yo know what i want from you, right? you know what im going to say.
i say no.
he kisses me. i can't resist.
he asks me again.
i say no.
i say: what do you want
he says: this time things are serious.
he talks me in to going out with him. again.
i hate him an adore at the same time.
the next few days are like heaven. we kiss and talk and laugh...
and i think to myself: is this what i wanted for so long, is this what he is like as a boyfriend?
i wonder around thinking if im doing the right thing. no, im not disappointed, im very happy, but why is it that i feel something is missing??? why can't i settle?
on wednsday he gets gated which basically means he isn't allowed out of his room.
i get worried. after the culture that same day we do behind "Media box" where noone can see us but we can hear everyone walk past. i will never forget how long that long, sweet, passionate kiss. there were people walking passed but we didn't care. we had our own little world. we were somewhere far far away.
the next day i broke up with him.
i simply said: you know this isn't working out. you are not giving as much as i am.
it was that something was gng wrong, it's just i could feel he didn't feel the same way that i did.
he was empty. his eyes were empty. his smile was fake.
he said: ok.
and we went our own ways.
i spent an our crying. never have i EVER cried over a guy. never will .
his friend said he was just looking for a relationship and i was just there, liking him so ha desided that it would be good idea to try it out.
of course we talked about it later that day. on the phone. i can;t remember what exactly he said but the point was that we tried and it didn't work.
i sent him a txt the next daying which said that i don't know what it is that is between but it's sad that we can not be together.
his reply was that we are good friends but we always want ore and that we should be greatful for the fact that we are friends.
i knew it was going to end like that. everyone said that he would hurt me. and that i should be careful.
i had to appologise. i didn;t know what i was doing. i thought i could change him. but i can not. he has to mature himself and maybe then he will understand what he had lost.

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ZABolELA.

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Do you really want your dream to come true?
Because mine came true and i was dissapointed and boared with in 4 days.
Maybe you should work out it's negative points before you start wishing it.

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continuing on with my story.
i come back this year and just keep telling all his friends and my friends how much i like him.
Everyone,everyone! kept on telling me that it is a bad idea that i like him
and anything will ever happen between us
it would end badly and i would get hurt in the end.
my responce to that obviously was - I will change him. he just has to give me a chance.
on one of the weekends we went to my friends house for a house party down in Montreux.
After a horribly huge amoung of champagne we left and made our way in to a shisha bar.
there we had more to drink and had to go back to school.
we roll into the house drunk when we find out that EVERYONE in the whole school is getting alcohol tested.
we obviously thought about that fact before and just incase took a bottle of expensive champagne from my friends house. The teachers were bribed but happy and didn't test us but instead sent us out to go to bowling.
I meet him again in bowlin. We talk and then he ditches me for some peasant girls.
after about ten minutes he realises that he has nothing to talk about with them and comes back to me. i got very flatered and being drunk spilt his whyskey on some random person that was standing beside us.
then he put his glass on the bar but i decided to push him and well basically the glass broke.
he took my hands and said he isn't going to let me do anything else stupid.
he was chating me up. i knew that smile and style of conversation.he was sweet and provocative, masculine and mild, sexy and dominant. as usual.
the next thing i remember is him trying to kiss me. i was expecting that. i turned away.
he asked me what was wrong. i told him he knew.
but he wouldn't give up.
we had to go back to our houses so we were walking back together.
we were walking past a bulding and when the wall finished he turned right instead of going straight and we were behind the building.where no one culd see us. he pushed me towards the wall. i gave in. i let him kiss me.
we herd people coming so we started walking.
for the next 15 min. that thook us to go back, i was screaming and shouting at him that he can't do what he is doing. he can't just get with me when he feels like it and then the next morning just forget about it and act normal.
i learnt from my mistakes.
to be continued...

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This is the story of MY life. These are the lies I have created.

Where should start?
With the fact that i've been so stupid for 2 years liking someone who WASN'T worth it
or with the fact that it's over.
DONT CRY BECAUSE IT ENDED, SMILE BECAUSE IT WAS is the thought in my head right now.
how stupid and annoying. why. i guess i have to start from the beginig then.


About 3 years ago i went out with a guy i bearly knew. asctually the only thing i knew about him was his name.
Well, as you can probably can pridict it didn't end well at all.
He told everyone that we weren't going out but forgot to tell me. whatever. that was stupid. we were 13...
Next year i put into my head that i really like him. i don't know weather i just thought that since we went out and i jist need a boyfriend it can happen again.
For the next year and a half i've been telling myself that this is it, he is the person i need... i have to admitt. i though he was the one and only.... end of summer term last year we go party together and it happen to be that we stayed in the same hotel, same floore, rooms right opposite eachother.
after the perty we went to the hotel. I WAS NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING! i really kind of gave up and went with the flow.
We came into our room where my friend Vanessa and i were staying. Vanessa was hooking up with our friend who was at the party as well and that was our reason to actually leave the club: so that Vanessa and him have some privacy.
We came into our room, put some music on. I was watching my two friends passionatly kissing on our king sized bed.
I have to admitt i had drunk a lot but by this time my head was clearing up.
suddenly he hugged me and then kissed.
I was waiting for this for how long? A year and a half and there it was, happening.
im not going to go into all the details about how good the foreplay was but when he stated unbuttoning his pant, I flipped!
i could not lose it too someone i wasn't even going out with.
i screamed. and then he screamed.
he left.
i cried.
i made the right choice.
i was not going to sleep with him.
i am not a whore.


to be continued.

to be continued.

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A ia s nim porvala. potomy chto on yrod.

A ia dyra.

Blin.

Kak vsegda.

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Drama! question! Dilema!

ok so if im hooking up with someone everyday(same person everyday obviously) does that actually mean we are going out????
i want to know your opinion people!!!!